Writing a blog, TAKE TWO!! (Facing the phobia)

Well, I guess the daunting aspect of starting a blog, back in January last year, overwhelmed the excitement! (see the end of the last post, dated 19.1.2010, to understand that reference).  A year and a month later and I'm not 'starting my PhD' anymore (should I change the title of my blog?  How would I do that?)  The reason I started this blog, 13 months ago, was because I was taking a course that required it!  Guess what, I'm taking another course that requires writing a blog again now!  Hmm . . . self-reflection through blog-writing . . . well, I guess the fact I keep taking courses that require engaging with technology indicates that I recognize my need to drag myself kicking and screaming into a technologically enhanced existence!  Wouldn't I be easier on myself if I just walked in, or skipped in happily, or ran in with open arms?  I seem to suffer from some kind of phobia.

I use the term 'technophobe' about myself.  My technophobia manifests itself in a kind of irrational anxiety around not knowing how to use various technologies.  It's not that I think I'm incapable; it's more like feeling guilty that I don't have the know-how.  Technology that I haven't mastered makes me nervous and uncomfortable.  There are lots of other things that I haven't got a clue about, which don't bother me at all.  Why does it bother me that I'm ignorant and hesitant about unfamiliar technologies?

Ok, back to the blog-writing-requiring course: we are supposed to comment on two journal articles as the subject matter of this blog entry.  I liked one of the articles and found the other one really difficult to engage with (could that be because I tried reading it late at night and then tried to finish it off in the bath a couple of days later, which was when I realised that I had either mislaid or hadn't printed off the last 10 pages?  (Technology related anxiety rears its ugly head again).  That article and I were not made in heaven!)  I may take a second bash at it (uh oh, that would mean two blog entries: scary . . . or could I just edit this entry at a later date? . . . or even wait until after I'd added that bit to publish this post (then no-one would ever know), wouldn't that be clever?!!  How telling that I really do think that would be clever!)  So, anyway, in 'Web Logs and Online Discussions as Tools to Promote Reflective Practice' from The Journal of Interactive Online Learning, vol. 3, (1) from 2004, (the article I liked),  Pedro Hernández-Ramoz points out that a student writing a blog has a public voice and is potentially, at least, addressing a sizeable unknown audience (of real people!), whereas a student writing a journal, is writing to an audience of one (the tutor).  Funny that, because although this blog is public, the only person who I think might read any of it is the lecturer who told us to write a blog entry (you know who you are, if you really are reading this) and who asked us to email the URL.  In class I did own up to already having started this blog a year or so ago.  It was true that I had no idea of the URL then, honestly, and also true that I would've been mortified if the blog (as appears below) had been projected for the class to see, at that moment.  Having thought about it though (more self-reflection), although my efforts are REALLY embarrassing, they are also quite interesting from the perspective of my technophobia.  In those three short entries, I expressed irritation with myself over not being informed about something related to my studies and suggest that I would have been informed, if I'd had a better command of the technological tools at my disposal.  So, I knew the technology could help me, but I was hesitant or even resisted finding out how.  I also expressed my concern about the detail of the time being wrong, which is pretty insignificant, but it mattered to me.  Why did it matter?  Possibly because it represents the tip of the iceberg of all the technological stuff I don't understand and I find that iceberg unnerving.  Oops, it seems like self-reflection just starts gushing out all over the place in a blog!!  Well, I'm standing by my first three entries below, as an honest representation of aspects of my technophobia.  I have no idea what the fish are doing, swimming around at the top, by the way.  I did mention having fun with the colours and feeling excited about starting a journey, so it wasn't all bad!  I need to focus on the positives!

My latest exciting encounter with technology was yesterday, when I attended my first webinar.  Wow!  Professor Anne Burns was presenting from Sydney (9pm), I was 'attending' in Cork (10am), some bloke had got up in the middle of the night to participate (Mexico City?)  We could agree, disagree, put our hands up, laugh and applaud, by clicking on various icons.  We could write comments and ask questions; that bit exploded into life at the end, particularly with thank-yous to Anne Burns.  There seemed to be a sense of excitement and enjoyment.  I think Anne Burns enjoyed doing it!  It was brilliant!

Oh!  Pedro Hernández-Ramoz says, 'If nothing else, given their public nature, blogs seem to be an effective tool to encourage higher quality writing and more thoughtful reflection by the students.'  Oh dear!  All I've done is just witter on about my technophobia!  I don't use this voice when I'm writing my academic stuff - obviously!!  There could be more words in brackets (parentheses) than out of them in this entry!  But, (never start a sentence with 'but'), I have put some words on this screen, for the first time in about 400 days; that has to be a step in the right direction.  I could finish with a little secret, even more embarrassing than my disclosures to date!  When I looked up this blog, I came across my other blog, which predates this one and which I'd totally forgotten about.  There is one post of two words: 'Hello world!'

I haven't said what my PhD is on: it's Applied Linguistics.  I discovered yesterday that the great Prof. Jim Cummins is giving a talk in Dublin on Thursday.  I didn't know!!  I guess if I was clued in to technology and had myself set-up with Applied Linguistics type connections, I would have known that.


This is the journey that I am at the beginning of!  It's a bit daunting, but exciting too!

Hmm! Well, I have no idea why it says I posted that first bit in the morning; I did it a few minutes ago and it's after 6pm now!

I like playing with the colours!

Right, so, here I go!!

I'm at the very beginning of my blogging career and not much further on in my PhD.

It all started with trying to get funding and that has been my main focus for the past couple of months. However, I managed to meet the deadline for the application, so now I just have to wait 5 or so months to see if I got it!!